Feud for Thought
by Truh-Uffles
Summary: AU. Snape lives, and he and Hermione are getting on one another's last nerve. An all-out pranking war ensues. Rated T for language for now, but may be changed to M for possible citrus in future chapters. Future SS/HG pairing. Don't like? Don't care!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For those who may remember, in 2005, I published a story called "That's What You Get", a Hermione/Snape prank fic. This is NOT that fic. It is a sort of grown up re-imagination of a similar plot, though.**

**AU, Snape lives, and he and Hermione get one on another's last nerve. An all-out pranking feud ensues. T for now, but possible citrus in future chapters.**

The bleary, grey light of a mid-winter Scottish morning filtered weakly through the heavy, dark curtains of Severus Snape's bedroom. Severus, who had for years been in the habit of rising at the crack of dawn, was determined to allow himself a bit of a lie-in this morning. He rolled onto his back and flung an arm over his eyes to block out the morning light. He had just woken from a very pleasant dream, something which happened very rarely in the past, but increasingly more often as of late, and he found himself thinking, "Perhaps just 10 minutes more."

He gave himself over to a fantasy, a delightfully wicked continuation of his dream. He had all of 2 minutes to enjoy this indulgence before all hell broke loose.

Jets of icy cold water began to spray from the ceiling, artificial window, and even from a number of paintings in his room. The frigid torrents soaked Severus through in seconds, effectively jolting him out of his reverie and into the harsh, freezing cold real world.

Spluttering and coughing up water, Severus flailed about wildly until he fell out of his bed , by which point the water level in his room had reached waist height.

"Fuck!" he shouted, with feeling, scrambling to grab his wand from the nightstand. He repeated the expletive with renewed vigor when he opened the door leading to his sitting room, only to discover that it, too, was filled with water, now up to his chest. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he hissed emphatically before taking a deep breath, plunging into the water, and swimming to the front door of his quarters.

He wrenched the door open and immediately fell ungracefully into a sodden heap in the corridor. A magical barrier kept the water constrained to Severus's quarters, while the hall remained completely dry, save for the patch of ground onto which he was presently dripping.

With a groan, Severus pulled himself up from his prone position so that he was kneeling on all-fours. He took several deep, gulping breaths as his heart raced from the shock.

Before he even had a chance to process what had just happened, Severus heard the sound of high-pitched, nervous laughter. To his dismay, he saw there was a group of young Slytherins, clearly just on their way to breakfast, standing in the corridor looking on in a bizarre mixture of amusement and horror at their surly Potions Master, who only just realized he was wearing nothing but his underwear.

Severus snarled ferociously at them, baring his slightly crooked teeth, and the students dispersed with startled shrieks. Severus rose to his feet and began the trek down the hall to his lab, where he kept a spare robe. Along the way, he came across a number of alarmed students, glaring viciously at each of them as he passed.

"Granger..." he growled quietly as he roughly shoved his arms into the sleeves of his teaching robes. So much for his peaceful lie-in! It was time to plot his revenge...

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review! Also, don't be shy. Please feel free to follow & reach out to me on twitter. Link in my profile. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read/reviewed/placed this story on alert. I'm absolutely chuffed.**

**This is just a quick intro chapter, meant to give a little background and lay a foundation. Expect a longer, more substantial chapter by Sunday or Monday.**

It was mid-morning on the 15th of August. Though the sun shone down merrily on Hogwarts' grounds, it was not a particularly warm day. It was actually quite chilly in the shadow of the castle, Hermione noticed as she briskly made her way to the heavy front doors. It had been a few years now since she had been to her alma mater. Her apprenticeship in America had kept her very busy, and what little time she did spend in Britain was split between visits to her parents' house and the Burrow. Finally setting foot in the stone halls once again was like coming home.

Hermione had not had her Master title more than 12 hours before she received an owl from Minerva McGonagall offering her Flitwick's old job. That letter, the second most exciting letter she'd received in her entire life, Hermione kept folded in the pocket of her cloak.

As the clicking of her heels on stone rang throughout the Entrance Hall, Hermione allowed herself a brief moment of doubt. It was possible, she thought, that without Dumbledore's kindly guidance and support, and without her two best friends at her side, Hogwarts might be somewhat less homey than she remembered. But this building held tremendous magic, and she knew that it would not be long before she rebuilt a life, and a magical family, inside the castle.

Hermione made her way to the gargoyles guarding the headmistress's office. After delivering the password, she began to ascend the stairs, only to bump right into Professor Snape. Hermione nearly took a nasty tumble, but the recently reinstated Potions Master quickly put his hands on her waist to steady her, while Hermione's flew to his shoulders.

After regaining her balance, Hermione spent a moment looking over her former professor turned colleague. She hadn't seen him since the first anniversary ball commemorating the Final Battle. Without his high-necked formal robes, his white button-down shirt did nothing to hide the pinked, slightly disfigured skin where Nagini bit him all those years ago. She remembered the state he was in immediate afterwards, the ragged, bloody mess. It was a miracle he'd survived at all, let alone healed so well.

Snape had put on a bit of weight since his spying days. While still quite trim, he had lost some of his sharp angles and his gaunt features seemed more... alive. When her gaze rose to meet his glittering black eyes, which were coolly regarding her through somewhat narrowed lids, she felt suddenly embarrassed. She took a quick step backwards out of his grasp.

He raised an eyebrow at her and pulled his lips back in a sneer that was all habit and very little venom. "Graceful as ever, eh, Granger?" he taunted. She was surprised and pleased to hear that the raspiness had left his voice and his baritone was as silky smooth as it ever was during her student days.

Deciding not to engage, Hermione just gave him a quick nod to thank him for saving her from a fall and said, "Excuse me," before hurrying up the stairs to McGonagall's office.

McGonagall was already standing by the door when Hermione walked into her office.

"Hermione! Welcome," the older witch said, pulling her into a hug.

"Minerva. It's so good to see you," Hermione replied, returning the embrace. They had already dispensed with the titles and formalities years before, once the Trio had received their NEWTs.

"I hope your journey was pleasant."

"I can't complain," Hermione said with a shrug. Minerva walked around to sit at her desk, and Hermione folded herself into one of the comfy chairs opposite.

"How are your parents?" Minerva asked, doing her best to keep her tone neutral.

Ever since she retrieved them from Australia and restored their memories, Hermione's relationship with her parents was somewhat strained. She had had to do quite a bit of damage control over the last several years. While they understood that she was only trying to protect them, her parents had been left feeling like they couldn't trust her.

"They're quite well. Dad's thinking about retiring soon, so they might be moving back to Australia. They really loved it there." Hermione could see the pity in Minerva's eyes, but it really wasn't necessary. She had made her peace with this news already, and she knew that the move wasn't about her. They weren't trying to punish her. They just missed the community they had built during their... gap year.

After a slightly uncomfortable pause, Minerva cleared her throat and said, "Well, that should be very nice for them. You must be tired from your trip. Shall we get you settled in?"

They sorted out her living situation, deciding to put her in vacant staff quarters on the 3rd floor near the library. After assuring Minerva that she would be fine to find the rooms and unpack all on her own, Hermione took her leave and headed to her new living space. She decided to leave the unpacking for a bit later, choosing instead to take a quick shower, change into something more comfortable, and reacquaint herself with Hogwarts' impressive collection of rare and valuable tomes.


End file.
